I Just Want To Fly

The skies are dark and filled with clouds. Without the stars I can't quite find my way.

It has been a mindfuckingly awkward month. Don't get me wrong I've spent a great deal of time with some of my favorite people, done a few fun things, and worked very hard but still had time for myself. You can't really ask for more than that. It was a pretty well rounded month as well. I spent a ton of money, but I also made a ton of money. I've shared in some highs and some lows with people I care a great deal about. I've had some fantastic conversations, seen some great movies, drank quite a bit of scotch, and laughed more than any man has any right to.

But it was a trying month. Some things have been said by entirely too many people about entirely too many things that six months ago probably would have had me standing on a ledge wondering which which way to leap. But I thank God and everyone I know every single day that I'm not where I was six months ago, or six months before that, or six months before that. Like everyone else I go through my phases...it's one of the few things still human about me. And if I was now where I was six or seven months ago I'm certain I would find myself in a much worse place. So thank God I could be there for the people that needed me in the past month, thank God that there were so many great people there for me when I needed them, and thank God I had someone to talk to tonight when I just needed to vent the excess pressure for an hour or so and walk away as if nothing happened at all.

I said some things tonight that I've never said out loud and as I said them I felt a tremendous weight lift from my shoulders. It was as if I knew all along what I needed to say, but I could never find anyone to say it to. So tonight I vented, and I bitched and I moaned, and I sort of got it all out there in a situation where not a single thing I ever say or do will ever matter. And when I was finished, although I seemed so much worse off than I was when I started, I was actually far far better. It didn't matter who was listening, just that someone was.

It was an unbelievably nice feeling.

I sort of hope that's how people feel when they come to me to talk.

So at 2 A.M. as the clouds grew thicker, the lighting began to flash, and the thunder began to rumble I realized that tonight (and by extension these past few days) ended up being pretty damn good.

And in the most ridiculous roundabout way I've discovered something else.

Christian Palomba never stops, never surrenders, never slows down.

I've already weathered the storm.

Now bring on the rain.