Left-Over Dreams

"There are days in a man's life where the illusion of a future he will never have is all that is necessary to sustain him." - Edward Allen Rigby, from Piccadilly Dreams



I haven't been writing much about my dreams lately, mostly because none have been substantial. Here are a few short ones from the past week that stuck with me.



Risk

I'm standing outside a 7-11 with these guys I used to know when some kid runs up to us and tells us that there are movie stars right down the street. We get all excited (or as excited about anything as I ever get) and run down the street. Seth Rogen and Bill Hader are standing outside the theater and they want us to come in and watch their new movie. We all go in and find ourselves in a packed theater. Rogen and Hader are standing near the front of the theater now and they tell us how proud of the movie they just made was, but they tell us they wrote and directed the film but weren't in it. People are a little disappointed but watch it anyway. It's not a comedy, it's really bad, but it's short so no one leaves. When it gets to the end Rogen and Hader go around with clipboards asking us what we all thought. Everyone lies and says it was amazing. They give us all board games to say thank-you and then we go and stand outside of 7-11 again.

Literary

I'm in a large university library. I'm standing at the end of one aisle reading a book when I look up and see a girl standing with her back to me at the other end of the aisle. She's staring out the window at something, but I can't see what. I can't see her face but I already know she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I walk up to her just wanting to say hello, but she reacts as if we know each other and she's been waiting for me. She hugs me. We sit on the floor, me leaning against the end of a bookshelf, her leaning against me. We begin to kiss. I have no idea what I'm doing, but she does so it works out. I close my eyes. She breaks the kiss and she's just resting her head on my chest. I suddenly realize I don't remember what she looks like, so I open my eyes and look down. She's gone. But it still feels like she's leaning against me. I'm confused. I look up out the window, but there's nothing there.

On Empty

This one freaked me out a little. I'm in this restaurant we had dinner in last night. It's exactly like it was last night. We're even eating the same things (two orders of buffalo chicken sliders, one order of french dip sliders, and one corned beef sandwich a water, a diet coke, and two sprites). This all seemed very important. But I wasn't sure I was dreaming. We go to get into the car, but for some reason I use the auto-start. The engine revs but then sputters out. I'm worried I'm out of gas. When I get into the car it won't start either. But as I grip the steering wheel the engine roars to life. We keep driving but the fuel light comes on and the car just feels like it's handling lighter. Everyone seems real nervous because they don't want to get stuck out in the wilderness with me. For some reason driving from Clifton to North Haledon in this dream involved going through miles and miles of dense forest. We're going up this one hill when the engine sputters out again. Everyone panics, but as I grip the wheel tighter in frustration the engine charges up again. I realize that the tighter I squeeze the steering wheel the more power the car has. By the time I drop everyone off and pull into my driveway my hands hurt from being clenched so tightly for so long and my knuckles are pure white. I roll into the driveway, let go of the wheel, and the car dies. As I walk away it lets out a moan and falls into a million pieces.

This morning I get in my car and the fuel light comes on as soon as I start it up.


Hallways

I'm standing in a dark hallway running my hand against the walls to find my way. The way the walls feel reminds me of the walls in grammy-in-the-chair's nursing home when I was a little boy. I know that's not where I am though. I'm stepping on something large and heavy but I can't see what it is. I stumble a few times but don't take my hand of the wall, I'm afraid if I do I'll be lost forever. I hear other people up ahead and I call out to them. I recognize the voices but can't place them. I round a corner and hit a dead end. I'm feeling my way around to make sure there's no door when I find myself touching someone. There's a quiet sigh, it's a woman. She's sleeping. Standing up. My right palm is on her side but my fingers are still on the wall, my left on her hand. I gently squeeze her hand to see if she'll wake up, but she doesn't. I try whispering in her ear, but that doesn't work either. From somewhere in the distance there's a large explosion, and in a brief glare of light I see that I know who the woman is. It's dark again and I know I need to find my way out, but I can't wake her, and I won't leave her. I try to push her but she won't budge. I try to carry her but even though she's small I can't lift her up. I sit down the floor and for the first time take my right hand off the wall altogether. I reach up and hold her hand trying to think of what to do next.



Mixed Signals

I'm sitting in the youth room, but it's not really the youth room, it's more like the basement of my father's new house. Then I get a phonecall I can't take in front of everyone so I excuse myself and head down a long hallway that's not there in real life. When I get to the end of the hallway there's a mens' room and a ladies' room. I go into the men's room and lean against the door of one of the stalls while I take the phonecall. There's a girl on the other end of the line and she asks me where I've been, she sounds upset. I tell her I've been busy though I don't know why I have to tell her anything. She tells me we're through, I ask who she is. She says I damn well know who she is and that she's breaking up with me. I tell her she has the wrong guy, but there's no convincing her. She sounds so sad I can't even argue with her anymore. I ask why she's sad and she says it's because of me. I ask what I did and she says I know what I did. I say I'm sorry even though I have no idea what she's talking about. She says it doesn't sound like I mean it, so I find myself standing in this imaginary bathroom pretending to beg forgiveness from a girl I don't know about something I know I didn't do. When I finally hang up I'm actually a little upset, when I walk out of the bathroom everyone looks at me for some explanation as to what just happened. I just shrug and say, "Women, you can't say enough about them. You can't say anything to them." And then when I realize I'm quoting myself in a dream after having a pretend argument with a stranger in an imaginary bathroom I begin to laugh so hard it actually wakes me up.



"When you're lost in the woods and you find a path you follow the damn thing no matter where it leads. You just have to hope it leads out." - Lazarus Jones, from Piccadilly Dreams