So a month or two back I was watching Marcia Gay Harden on the Martha Stewart Show (I'll give you a second to process that) and I had a brief flash of meeting her and telling her how much I liked her in every movie but The Hoax, where I was just sort of perplexed by her accent. And then I thought "Of course I wouldn't say that, because then I'd have to explain how I actually liked The Hoax, I just didn't like her in it, and that would be rude." Then I thought, "Where the fuck did that come from?"
So a little while goes by and I'm in New York with some friends and I find myself crammed into the front seat of taxi cab sitting at a red light next to a towncar limousine. Sitting in the back chatting on her cellphone? Marcia Gay Harden. The imaginary conversation briefly flashed through my mind and I chuckled.
Such a stupid coincidence. Almost felt silly wasting one on it.
So today I'm walking into this deli, and there's this teenage couple walking outside. Good looking kids, but still I catch the guy briefly checking out this older blonde woman walking the other way. Before I even get into the store I see an older man eyeing this woman and a girl who looks like it could be her daughter. Spring is here. I'm amused. So I'm standing in this deli and this woman is making my sandwich and I briefly get this flash of a young woman walking in and me checking her out...and being caught by the lady behind the counter who turns out to be her mother. I'm chuckling to myself. These silly little things I think of. And all of a sudden this cute blonde girl walks into the deli. I don't check her out. Instead I look at the rye bread on the counter. When I look up I realize the woman behind the counter is looking right at me, she turns to look at the cute girl who just walked in. The girl says, "Hi mom." If I had checked her out her mom totally would have caught me. I chuckle again.
Not the same kind of coincidence...but close enough.
So tonight I'm sitting here writing, trying to get this story off the ground and it's just not flying. Just not going anywhere. I do this thing I sometimes do, I find a movie that sort of seems like it might be the same type of story I'm writing. And I watch it while I try to get started. Reckon maybe I can steal something small from it just to get me started, just to get past the writer's blockage. Shady, I know. But sometimes it works.
So tonight I'm watching Choke. I'm trying to write a story that's got a little bit of me in it. A story about a fucked up guy trying to figure out what the fuck he's doing with his life. Choke is about a fucked up guy. Lot of it was filmed in Jersey, hell scenes of it were filmed in Titillations for Christ's sake.
Figured something in there could get me going. So I'm liking the movie, but no sparks. I'm still blocked. So I start to do this other thing I do sometimes. I rewrite a conversation I've already had, and just sort of turn it into something. So tonight I went back to a silly little conversation I had on the way into New York to go to the MET a few weeks back. Same day as that silly Marcia Gay Harden story from a few paragraphs back. So I'm telling the people I'm with we've got to check out these crosses I saw last time I was at the MET. They supposedly contain pieces of wood from the crucifix that Jesus died on. I found this funny. But I maintained that there was zero chance they were real. I made a brief argument about the provenance of medieval relics and finished up my bit by briefly retelling the story of the foreskin of Jesus Christ. Got that? Leftovers from Jesus Christ's cock. Just so we're on the same page here. The fictionalized version of the conversation didn't turn out any better than the real one did. I was still stumped. But just as I finished writing the conversation two characters in Choke started to have a conversation...about the Holy Foreskin.
Shit. I love April. Always strange.
Before I lock up shop and head home for the night (movie just ended, finished working an hour ago) let me recount this really odd dream I had last night. I dreamed that I went to the movies with a bunch of the kids from church and a few friends of mine. Except when we got to the movie it wasn't a regular movie theater. The screen was outdoors and easily the size of a skyscraper. There were stages in front of it with sets and actors and all sorts of props. There were seats everywhere, and the stands were so high you had to take an elevator up to a tram over to a ladder that climbed up towards a rope. And if you couldn't find a seat by then you had to climb the rest of the way up using seatbacks as footholds which wasn't as difficult as it sounded because at this point the seats were tipped at such an angle you that the seatbacks were practically horizontal to the ground.
Some of the othere were in a tram, but there wasn't anymore room for me, so I told them I'd catch the next car. Before I could though I found the crowd pushing me into a tram going the opposite direction, down towards the stage. En route I realize that these are all actors, I shouldn't be in this tram, but it's too late. Now I find myself in this maze of hallways under the stage and I'm rushing around trying to find an elevator that will take me out. But I can't. I can't even find a stairway. I keep opening doors but they all lead to nowhere. Finally I stumble out a hallway and right onto the ramp to one of the stages. I can see the giant screen not fifty feet away and it's impressive. I also see the first set of bleachers just off to my left. I know I can get to an elevator back to the trams from there, but I can't get to them without going out onto the stage. There are security guards with guns. Apparently this show is a big deal. I decide to risk it anyway. I get caught...by an actor...with a spear. I briefly tell him my problem, he starts to tell me about a secret elevator for staff only that I could use to get all the way up to the top of the ladder. He's giving me directions when his bit comes up. He tells me to hold on and turns and attacks a giant green metal dragon with his spear. The green metal dragon sets him on fire. He screams and flails hopelessly as he's dragged off stage and three stagehands set upon him with fire extinguishers. As he's put out he tells me, "Third hall on the right, then first hall on the left, seventy sixth doorway down is the elevator. Password is..." and the fire flares up and the stagehands smother him once again.
I'm on my way. Seventy five doorways later I've found the elevator, but don't have the password. Security guards are coming down the hall. I panic and throw myself against the elevator doors...and break right through. The elevator is tiny, I barely fit in it. The floor is made of glass and seems ready to crack. I quickly press the only button in the elevator and I suddenly find myself high above the stages trying to find something to hold on to less I fall to my death. Sure enough the elevator takes me high above the ladder...and high above any landing. My only choice is to jump across the gap and grab the rope and I hope I can swing through a window into the enclosed stands. There are people hundred of feet below me on a platform screaming at me not to try it. Security guards scurrying across seatbacks trying to get to me before I can jump. I have to find my friends though, the feature film is about to start. I leap and grab hold of the rope, but I don't have a good grip and the rope burns my hands as I slide down. I manage to get the rope to swing just enough that I think I can reach the stands, but I miss the window and paw frantically at the smooth metal walls of the stands trying to find purchase so I don't fall to my death. I finally find a ledge and slowly work my way across it until I can drop onto a staircase where hotdog and popcorn vendors take up most of the steps. People wait on the next landing till I'm clear. A few people clap or pat my on the back. I still can't find my friends.
I'm climbing over seat backs, chatting with people as I go. I reach the very top of the stands, where the tower is only wide enough to hold a single seat. And still no sign of my friends. Someone tells me they saw them one tower over and a few levels down. I begin to climb down to the covered walkway connecting the two towers. Suddenly security sees me, they know I broke the elevator. I have to jump out another window, this time landing on the top of the covered walkway. I can't reach another window...I'm trapped. I can see my friends taking their seats, yelling for me to join them. I can see security debating whether to come after me, screaming at me to come back. I'm trapped. I'm stuck. And suddenly everything goes dark. I'm alone on this roof thousands of feet above the ground, nowhere to go, nothing to do. And it's quiet. And it's dark.
The movie starts.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment