It Must Be Nice Being People

Yesterday was fun. I had a good time. I was hanging out with some of my favorite people in the world, which is just about always a good sign for a good night. I mean it can't hurt that I was lining up shots three deep and not slowing down long enough to think about it in between them., but I'm pretty sure it was mostly the people.

We drank too much, laughed just enough, and when I found myself sitting at my desk in my office just a little before three in the morning I was actually fairly content with the way the day had went. It was a good time in the shadow a brewing storm.

It's funny the things that can remind you of certain things. Funny how simple jokes remind you of who you are, what you've done, and exactly where you belong. Funny how a familiar face can remind you where you come from, or a story you haven't told in a long time can remind you of where you're going to end up. Maybe funny's not the right word again.

Maybe I just don't know what the right word is anymore.

I've got $23 in my pocket. I haven't had a shave in three days. I haven't gone out on my own and gotten my head clear in over three weeks (although I reckon I've lost track altogether at this point) and if I spent anymore time in this goddamn desk chair this week my ass might grow permanently attached to it.

I'm still trying to figure out what's going on in my world right now. Still trying to make sure that the things I'm basing my moves on are real, and not altogether imaginary. I can smell something rotten coming up though, it's like I can feel the burn but can't yet see the fire. The thing that upsets me just a little is that I've felt like this before, and though I wasn't always right, most of the time I was. You just batten down the hatches and hope it's not that bad of a storm.

It's all you can do sometimes.

Whole rest of the world seems like it's falling apart too, some people might take that as a comfort, might say "At least it's not just me." But I find it hard to feel anything but sad for my friends and family who find themselves in tough spots. Feel even worse when I know that there's just about nothing anyone can do to help them. Too much shit in this world, but I suppose there always has been. It all sorts out in the end. Don't know how or why, but I know it all sorts out in the end.

I've been writing a little less here over the past couple of days. Been thinking less I suppose. Not because I'm trying to, just because I've been given an opportunity to mellow and I reckon I should take it. Opportunity doesn't always knock twice. I'm also trying to write a story for a screenplay with the help of a friend. It's the first thing I've done that even vaguely resembles a collaboration that I've done since college and who the hell knows if I'm even going to end up finishing it, but I'm certainly trying.

Lots of nothing going on I suppose, nothing all that big coming up on the horizon. Maybe I ought to plan something. Maybe I should start something new. Maybe I should just wait and see.

I don't know.

I just don't know what's next.