Gap

It would be nice if I could write a little bit today. I'm pretty goddamn down for the first time in a long time and I almost don't recognize how to deal with it right now. It's not even that today is a loss, it's more like a push. Saturday with the guys was a blast, and that one was already in the win column. Sunday night was a resounding success, although as has been pointed out to me since then it was missing a few people who would have most definitely made it even more fun. Monday was a solid day. Not an amazing day, but a solid day, the sort of day that lives are built on. And also a win. Yesterday was a win too. Sure it involved watching a movie that I alternate between calling "absolutely atrocious" and a "near miss" and I missed out on visiting an old friend, but it was still a blast. Today though...it was a tough day.

I still wasn't feeling all that well, I've been pretty beat in general lately, but the last two days I've been borderline ill. Their was some discordant fuckery (not necessarily heinous...but not necessarily not) at various points throughout the day and it left me feeling sort of bleh in general. There wasn't any coming back from it, but it just wasn't enough to call the day a loss.

I did manage to stop by the youth room for about an hour and hang out with some of the younger kids. I also heard that Forti's wife had the baby today and that's just brilliantly awesome. They're going to make great parents (shit, I never thought I'd say that...but it's true). And now I'm about to lock up and call it a night many hours before I usually would. I'll probably go eat some shit I probably shouldn't eat, and watch a movie, and read a little and still not fall asleep till the crack of dawn. But I'm getting the hell out of here either way. I keep thinking back to a day that seems like it was years ago but was really only a couple of months ago and how quickly things went wrong on that day. And I keep thinking about how I just stopped, took a few minutes to get right, and continued on trying to fix things and make it all better. I survived that day because I took a break, even a short one, something that I haven't been doing properly lately. That's something I need to work on.

I decided today that I'm going to begin wrapping up some loose ends, that it's about time I'm done with a few things in my life. I reckon it's being decided for me that I'm done with a few others but that will sort itself out as time goes by and I'll just have to make sure I'm ready for it. So there's going to be some changes and some things I try to change and when it's all done things will likely never be the same...but when are they ever around here anyway?

And just an aside...but I've just realized that it's five years to the day since I graduated college. Five years to the day and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that.