Brazen Acts Of Depravity

"My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing, which lasted all too briefly. [pauses] Isn't that always the way? One instance of me stealing five grams of very-high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead. So, all-in-all my evening pretty much balanced out fine." - Ray (Colin Farrel), In Bruges

Oy.

Sometimes it feels like I need someone to remind me why I bother leaving my house most days. And then there were days like the past few. Wednesday I was a bit of a bastard, but in the most enjoyable of ways. Thursday I got to spend some time with a few good friends. Friday the guys and I made a run at one of the most ridiculous nights we've had in quite awhile while in between and only briefly discussing a few rather serious things.


"What did you have?"

"I had four Jack & Cokes before, half a bottle of champagne and a double of Maker's Mark during, and another Jack & Coke afterwards just to take the edge off."

"And what do you have now?"

"A headache man...a headache."

I've got no clue what's happening for the rest of today. All I know is I really don't want to spend any money tonight. That's sort of new for me. I've spent entirely too much in the last week though. Most of it unplanned. It was certainly fun. But it's not exactly how the new plan was supposed to go. The new plan involved me not being homeless by the spring. So much for that.

I've definitely got to go to dinner for my stepmother's birthday. Still have to get her a gift of some sort. No clue what that should be. Might end up meeting up with the guys in some capacity again tonight. We will see. Definitely can't pull another night like last night, might not survive. Although any night in which the waitress at the diner is able to use the phrase "Did he take the bagel into the bathroom with him?" at three o'clock in the morning is a night that can probably use repeating at some point in one's life.

"There's rules you know. Certain things you do and do not do in a polite and fucking civilized society. You don't piss in public, you don't flash your cock to old ladies and little kiddies, and you don't get all molesty on a strange bird without paying a proper premium. You follow those rules and you still may be a wanker, but at least you won't be a totally pervy wanker. Got it?" - S.L. Teague, Beginners

I've got to do some things around the house this afternoon. Bathtub is all plugged up, mailbox needs to be replaced, probably should give everything a good clean too. I don't know. Probably just going to continue to let it rot. Apparently I didn't pay my mortgage this month either so maybe they'll just take the fucking thing away. I sent the damn check out over a week and a half ago. The other check I sent out on that same day posted. The mortgage check did not. Odd.

Antioch meeting tomorrow is going to be early so everyone can make it home for the Super Bowl. We're down to the last handful of meetings, rolling along like always, everything is going well but I'm just waiting for that spark that sets us on fire. Really gets us going. It's something different every year. Then comes the weekend, and then comes trying to keep the group together for as long as possible. We're on a quite unprecedented three year run here. It's got to end someday, but hopefully not to soon.

"What did you just say to her?"

"Fuck off. It's none of your business."

"I'm making it my business."

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Hob, the Motherfucking Reckoner. Are you ready for yours?"

"My what?"

"Your reckoning."

"What the fuck?"

"Apologize. Now."

"I'm sorry."

"Louder."

"I'M SORRY!"

"Now run away...quickly."

I've also noticed that I'm fuck all starving. I'm running out of the "meals", new ones should be shipping soon, and I'm stuck with pretty much all the "bars". It's like eating food crushed down into a mini-brick. I don't like it. Yesterday I at the breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That came to 570 calories. I had a hot chocolate, but only drank half so call it 300 calories to be safe. That puts me at 870 calories at around 10 P.M. Then I started drinking, and probably drank 2,000 calories over the course of three hours. Then I had a grilled chicken wrap and toast. So yeah, great start to the day, shit finish. And I was rapidly approaching wobbly by the time I got home at nearly four in the morning so I didn't even get on the treadmill. I did walk nearly three miles yesterday morning, so I figure that balances out. Except not. You know? Just don't rightly give a fuck at this point I suppose.

So anyway, I'm going to go pick up some cleaning supplies, maybe stop and find a gift for the stepmother, grab some lunch, and if all goes well get some cleaning done and make it to the dinner I don't want to go to at all on time.

What a friggin' week.

"You know what? When I look back on my little life and the birds I've known, and think of all the things they've done for me and the little I've done for them, you'd think I've had the best of it along the line. But what have I got out of it? I've got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car, I've got me health back and I ain't attached. But I ain't got me peace of mind - and if you ain't got that, you ain't got nothing. I dunno. It seems to me if they ain't got you one way they've got you another. So what's the answer? That's what I keep asking myself - what's it all about? Know what I mean?" - Alfie (Michael Caine), Alfie