There was this girl that I used to have a crush on in high school. Knew then I didn't have a chance, but there was still that glimmer of hope inside of me. Not enough for me to make a move, not enough for me to even talk to her. But enough for me to think "someday, someday I could really love a girl like that."
I don't know if I was less jaded then or just slightly more delusional.
I also don't know what my point was there. Maybe it's that without giving up on life I've given up on parts of life without really meaning to. Maybe it's that I still think I could have a chance 'someday' even if everyone around me thinks I'm pretty much done. Maybe it's hope. Maybe I'm still delusional. I don't know. But when I happened to be in the same place at the same time as this girl last night all I could think was "she's even more out of my league now then she was then" and I began to worry that I was going in the wrong direction very quickly. And then I didn't. Odd.
I didn't make it to the bank today so I'm sort of short on cash. I did manage to get my hot chocolate this morning though so it's really all good.
The simple things people. The simple things.
Tomorrow morning youth ministry heads off to NYC for it's annual Christmas trip. I'm actually excited to be going. I need a way to check if my shit is back together and that group always finds away to make things interesting enough that I can tell. So here's to hoping. Maybe I'm through this one...
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