63 - Recurrence

I was beginning to fall of a little today until just this moment. As I stared in the mirror at my ever worsening receeding hair line I was beginning to think about calling an end to the streak, just on principal. I refuse to fudge days. I refuse to call a day a win when it's really a push, or worse even a loss. This above all to thine ownself be true. You know what I'm saying? Gotta call a spade a spade, and this day was really starting to feel like a spade. When a filet-o-fish with cheese and listening to a Louis C.K. album can't put a smile on my face you know I'm pretty well frigged.

But then I started thinking about it. I mean really thinking about it.

My biggest problems today? My head is congested. My lips are chapped. I didn't make it to the dry cleaner. The go-go dancer I practically have on retainer didn't call me even though I know she's working.

These were my problems today. That's it.

Really? Really Chris? You're going to let this beat you?

Little kids are dying in Iraq, people are starving in Africa, unemployment is at an all time high, I'm watching the lives of dear friends collapse around them and my biggest problems are that I'll have to drink by myself tonight, I'm fresh out of clean black shirts, and I can't find my fucking chapstick.

Come on! Are you fucking kidding me? Is this all you've got Boss? Because quite frankly it's going to take a hell of a lot more than this to throw me off my game. You may have had me fooled for just a little bit pal, but I'm not going out like that.

So you know what? I'm not going to drink tonight, I'm wearing corduroys and a purple t-shirt to my meeting tomorrow morning, and I'll buy some new motherfucking chapstick. Problems solved!

Now fuck off for awhile while I try to get rid of this headache.

~
Amazing Footnotes: Did you know they make a double filet-o-fish with cheese now? And even in my darkest moment I can't help but laugh at the following Louis C.K. joke, "You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated. Like how long you waited. And for me it was between the two buildings going down. I had to do it. I had to. Otherwise they win. That's the way I was looking at it at the time. It was a strange time for all of us. I know you all waited a whole week 'cause you're awesome. But I just couldn't do it. A boner's a boner. It had to go."