The Last Bit's A Laugh

So here's the thing. Last night my mind wandered off leaving me sitting in a corner by myself listening to music that wasn't really playing and watching old movies on the inside of my eyelids. It was a bit of a trip. I was still feeling a bit ill so I called it an early night and was in bed before midnight. I couldn't sleep, not right away at least. So I sat there thinking as I tend to do so often nowadays. At some point I drifted off to sleep with much warning.

And then there were dreams. I can't even classify these, they jumped around so quickly I never really go a clear picture of when or where they were happening. But here they are. I'm not dropping names, because it gets weird sometimes. But try and keep up.

Dream A

There are three of us standing outside a huge modern cathedral. The sun is bright, the air is warm but not stifling. We're all wearing very sharp black suits with golden yellow flowers in our lapels. There is a fine mist over a garden of these golden yellow flowers between us and the stairway into the building. Someone is dead. This is a funeral.

Dream B

I'm sitting in a dark room, there is a woman I know sitting too close next to me. She isn't crying, but something is bothering her. I'm think it's that someone has died, but then I realize I'm not in the same world I was a minute ago. She touches my cheek and I don't recoil. She leans over to kiss me. This is wrong. We don't kiss. I stop her. She looks frightened.

Dream C

There is a donkey. Nothing else. Just a donkey. I'm not even there. It's just a donkey.

Dream B

My hand is on her stomach. I look at her in shock. She is surprised. How do I know she asks? It's too early for her to be showing, and the baby is too small to be kicking. How do I know? I just know. She leans into me. She tells me it's mine. I know it's not true. Only constant in my life? Even in my dreams I'm not getting laid. She insists it's mine. I chuckle. I'm starting to understand.

Dream D

We're driving in my car. There's a girl sitting next to me, two girls and a guy in the backseat, and two more guys in the trunk seat. It's crowded. We're all laughing, someone has just said something inappropriate. I chuckle. I think this dream has been thrown in to confuse me more. This seems so real while the others are all sort of fantastical. Not only could this be happening, but it's happened before, it will happen again. For a moment I wonder if this is the ground. If this is mean to confuse me more or just remind me that the other's are clearly dreams. Before I can think anymore I notice ambulance lights coming towards us, and police lights coming up behind us.

Dream A

I know who is dead. I can't believe it. I'm in shock. I'm sad, but I don't want to cry because I just can't believe it. It's not possible. A young blonde woman I don't know ushers me up the stairs with the guys and into the back door of the church. There are hundred of people I know there. I shake some hands, everyone looks sad, but no one is crying. They don't want to believe it either. It's just not possible. The cute young blonde woman brings me up to the altar and urges me to approach the podium. I'm giving the eulogy. I have a paper in my hand, it reads, "When I heard about the accident, I almost didn't believe it. He's not dead. I know he's not dead." I clear my throat to speak. The cute young blonde woman stops me, no one can find the body.

Dream D

I pull over so the cop car can get around me and I watch the ambulance go past. The police officer gets out of the car and approaches my window. It turns out it is a police woman and she is very pretty. Why are there so many pretty girls in my dreams tonight? Something tells me this is going to end up being a bad thing somehow.

Dream C

Yup, the donkey again.

Dream D

The pretty police officer tells me to step out of the car. The other people in my car look nervous. She asks me to step to the rear of the vehicle. Now I'm getting a bit nervous. When we're well out of ear shot she tells me she needs me. For a moment I'm thinking, "Oh, it's that kind of dream." But no such luck tonight. Apparently she needs me to save someone. I tell her she's got the wrong guy. She insists. When I look back my car is gone, but the people who were in it are left standing there. She tells me that they are going to help me, and that we are going to save everyone from him. I ask if she wants to come along and help. After all...without my car now we need a ride.

Dream B

Now she's crying. What is she going to do? How can she have a baby by herself? Who is going to look out for her? I'm starting to feel like a real heel. Ten second ago I was in a dream getting ready to save the world. Now I'm sitting in a dark room telling a woman I barely know that I can't do anything for her, that it's not my kid and not my problem. She's sobbing. She tells me he won't help, so I should. I'm startled, I didn't even know they still saw each other. And suddenly I know exactly whose kid it is.

Dream A

And now I'm at his funeral. My head is swimming. This is ridiculous. These dreams are all happening in different times, different worlds. Nothing is constant, but some things are crossing over. The pregnant woman is here, but she's not pregnant. Our eyes meet, I smile. She looks like she's going to cry. A priest I hadn't noticed before asks me if she's my lover. I laugh too loudly and it reverberates throughout the entire chapel. I notice the police woman sitting in a back pew, she seems very very far away. Despite myself I wave. She doesn't seem to know me.

Dream E

I'm in a large theater. There are a few people in the seats but not many. They all sit alone. It's dark, but there are still lights on. The curtain is closed, the show has not started. I'm walking down the aisle looking for a place to seat, many of the chairs are broken or missing altogether. There is no noise, but I can barely hear myself think. I notice that some of the people in the theater have no faces, and that others all have his face. I finally find a seat, and sink low into it. The curtain is drawn. There is fire. It burns.

Dream A

I recognize more and more of the people in the cathedral. The priest is getting impatient. The body should be here. We shouldn't have to wait. The cute blonde woman tells me it's time to start, with or without the body. I clear my throat, and watch as the casket rolls through the back door and makes its way unassisted up the center aisle. People stand and reach out to touch it. To pay their last respects. I know it's empty. I don't know whether to curse or smile. I begin to speak. The microphone isn't on. No one can hear me. I try again. And again. Still nothing. So finally I raise my voice and boom out across the entire building, "He's not dead. I know he's not dead. But he is here." People look angry...and then he waltzes in from one of the alcoves near the front of the cathedral. He's smiling and laughing and everyone is glad he's not dead. Despite myself I shake his hand. I'm about ready to put a bullet in him myself, until I remember that he's not the same guy that did all that horrible shit across the other dreams. He's not even the same guy that does shit to confound me in real life. In each and every dream these are entirely different people, they can't be held responsible for what their counterparts have done in other parts of my head. It's confusing, but I was confused to begin with. He waves at the crowd, and then turns back to me. He looks up at me and says, "You know none of it was me. It was all you. It was always you." And I want to strike him down right then and there...except I know I have to prove him wrong first.

Dream F

I'm having a discussion with someone about the difference between "except" and "accept". I feel like this has happened before, but I know it hasn't. I'm talking to someone else about something that's been bothering me. I'm trying to explain to someone else why I care so much about them, even though it doesn't make any sense. I'm telling someone I miss them. I'm showing someone a picture of me as a small child. I'm reading a comic book out loud. I'm quoting myself. I'm putting out a fire. I'm drinking milk. There is a red balloon, and an old dead actor dressed as a priest, and a donkey. That fucking donkey.

And it's quiet. And it's dark. And it's warm.

Then there is laughter.

Then there is nothing.
~