Survival of The Illest: Quantification of Negative Space

I've gone and done a bad bad thing.

Ok...well, no, I haven't really.

I've done a few sort of slightly not good things. But I haven't done any bad things. And God knows I've tried. I'm just not capable.

I'm a tad bit heart broken today.

Throughout the night I almost wept, my soul wrenched out from 'neath my skin. My heart beat hard flipt' over 'agin, my tongue rot dry and swoln in...my very mouth from which these words sprung forth, like dark a'r suck'd from out my lung the silent mis'ry left for none to see me hung amidst the boughs of demon trees that scream'd aloud and unto the ears of innoc'nts whose virgin sensibilities I do decry, no worse for wear, no eye for eye. And so we still...go on.

So of course I found my way to survive. I always find my way to survive. And the streak lives on. It wasn't a bad day. It was a day that could have been bad. And instead? It was just another day.

I've come to understand how much of a leach I am. How much of a user I can be. I use people up and when I'm done with them I'm done with them. It's a horrible way to be. I rail against it every day. But it's my very nature. I use people to survive. I think that makes me a bad person.

I'm wondering if I'm at the point where I've used up the last of the reserves. I'm wondering if I'm all out. I can't help but look down on this world as it is now. Full of whores, liars, adulterers. Thieves and murderers. Pimps and pedophiles. Scum. The entire world is full of scum. Where is this judgement God has promised us? Where is this final reckoning that the righteous amongst us have looked towards for all our lives? When will our streets be purged of the filth which has soiled our society for so long? It is time for God to bring down his mighty fist on the immoral and amoral and those who stand silent while the heathens run rampant and...

Oh, wait, forgot which side I was on for a second there.

Sorry.

Alright, look, I'm just takin' a piss. It's all good. Really. In fact I've never been so good for absolutely no reason in my entire life. It's not like my situation has changed, or improved. It's certainly not like I've just said fuck it all and given up either. I'm still me. I'm still grinding. At some point in the future I'll have all my shit totally in check and maybe then I'll even be a better person for it. Maybe I'll even be a better me. But right now? Well I'm just glad the voices have been quiet lately, just glad I seem to be making this trip all on my own.

So it's not yet noon, but fuck all I could use a drink already so here's to expensive scotch, cheap women, fast cars, and loud music. Here's to good times with good friends and even better times with the best of friends. Here's to having people you can count on, having people who know they can count on you, and having people worth missing. Here's to snow on the first day of spring. Here's to you...and here's to me.

Cheers.