The Clockmaker

The time has come for a great deal of my more frivolous pursuits to end. No more dropping thousands of dollars a month on comic books, no more running around dropping hundreds of dollars at a time in go-go bars, no more fucking around in general.

Today marks the first time in a long time that I can't do something I want to do because I just don't have the money.

Now this thing I want to do isn't something I should be doing. I won't get anything out of it, it would cost more money than any of the other things I've ever done, and it's probably a really bad idea in general.

But I want to do it.

And I can't.

I've enjoyed every penny I've ever spent (which is good because I've spent just about every penny I've ever had) and I don't regret a single thing I've done, but the fact that I can't do this thing I want to do is driving me absolutely nuts. Even though I know it's a bad idea in the first place.

The Collection is pretty much complete, I've said that many times before but this time I'm running out of ways to make it a lie. The commission statue is a few months away from being painted still and that will cost me about $800. The two paint-ups I still have out will cost me about $200 more than I've already sunk into them, I've got a dozen Bowen Statues on order and one or two other pieces as well. But spread out over the next 6 months they shouldn't hurt me that much. Comic-Con is this week and I'll drop a few dollars there, going up to Boston next month and that will cost a few hundred as well. After that I don't know. I've never been this broke this early in the year. Last year I carried over a ton of money from the previous year but in the past 12 months I've burned through just about everything I have.

It's not that I'm worried about going broke. The plan was sort of to hit zero and see how quickly I could bring it back up. And if I put the brakes on right now I'd have more in the bank in three months than the majority of the people I know will ever have. I'll rent out the second floor again and cut my monthly mortgage in half. I'll call in all the outstanding loans, cash in the stocks and bonds, and be sitting on enough cash that I could not make a penny for the next 12 months and still be totally ok.

But the fact remains...

There is something I really want to do right now.

And I can't.

And you have no idea how angry that makes me.

No idea.