Deficient

"I'd say I was a hopeless romantic..."

"But you're really just hopeless."

"Shit. Have I used that line before?"

"You've used all your lines before."

It would be nice if I just didn't give a fuck about anything. Just for a little while. Just long enough that I could get my head square for awhile. Truth is I'm not even all that fucked up right now. I'm actually pretty damn good. The consecutive great evenings streak ended at five, but the consecutive decent days streak is up around seven right now. And even the evenings that haven't been great haven't been all that bad. I'm still laughing from Friday, smiling from Saturday, and just beaming with pride from Sunday. I think if I had to peg it down this has been just about the happiest stretch I've ever had.

I just wish there was more I could do with it. Wish I could fix all the problems while I'm up so when I'm down I could concentrate on dealing with being down.

"Don't worry. I make fun of everyone like that."

"Oh. I think I liked it better when I thought I was special."

"You are special. Just not because I make fun of you like that."

"I..."

"Shit. Am I not supposed to say things like that?"

I'm beginning to work on a few things. I still need to re-write my talk. I still need to clean up my god damn house, work harder on losing weight, and just get over some shit that's been going on in my head. But I'm beginning to work on other things I think.

Maybe it's time I actually had a life. Maybe I should forget about everything and just make that my goal. Don't worry about anything else.

Stop trying to save the world. Just focus on saving myself.

It's awfully hard to even think of when I'm having a good week.

It's damn near impossible to pull off when I'm not.

"I've never been this torn the fuck up over anything."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're totally worth being torn up over."