The Road

Agitation

I'm slightly agitated today. It always gets on my nerves when people lie poorly. If you're telling a lie at least lie well enough that you think you have a chance of fooling me. When you lie poorly you're just doubling the amount of agitation. You're agitating me by lying and agitating me by thinking I'm stupid enough to fall for your stupid lie.

Seriously. Just try harder. That's all I'm asking.

Aches

So I woke up still not feeling well this morning. My legs still hurt, my head still hurts, my stomach still hurts. My foot still hurts, but I'm starting to think if there is something buried in there. Like a splinter I just can't find. I don't know. It just sucks. I've got to get back on the treadmills one way or the other. Yesterday wasn't so bad. I had a grilled veggie panini and a side salad for dinner. It came with fries and though I didn't eat all of them I ate some of them and that probably put me over for the day. Sunday I had a slice of pizza for lunch and then fried chicken for dinner and even though I didn't go over the calorie line by all that much (I was over, but not by as much as you'd expect since I didn't eat any plan food that day) the shit I ate wasn't all that good. Today I'm at a hair under 500 calories for the day so far, but I'm probably ditching the plan dinner and getting something unhealthy...just because that's the sort of day I'm having. So I really need to get my fat ass back on that treadmill today.

Ache

And of course now I'm going to do one of those things I really shouldn't do and explain something that no one but me was wondering about in the first place. But I sort of need to, because it's the only way to get it out of my head. I'm worried about someone today. Not a friend really, not someone I have any right to worry about. But someone I worry about anyway. Someone I think very highly of, and care a great deal about. Someone who I owe one. Now like I said I have absolutely no right to worry about them. They're not a part of my life really and I'm not a part of theirs. If anything we're just two people passing in the night, once either one of us gets where we're going we'll never even see each other again. It's not that I feel sorry for them, not that I pity them in any way. It's just that I feel bad. I feel bad they're in a bad situation. Feel sorry for something I haven't got any control over. I worry because I care. Even though I know I shouldn't. Even though I don't reckon they care about me. I've never been one to base how I feel about people on how they feel about me. Just seems sort of unfair. I mean I'm an asshole, people shouldn't give a shit about me. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't give a shit about them. I don't know. I just wish there was something I could do.

Ghost Stories & A Trip From The Past

So last night I took a trip down Clinton Road for the first time in a long time. A few of the church kids had never been up there so me being me I of course agreed to take a trip up. It was at least the third place I haven't been in for nearly a decade that I've ended up in since I started hanging out with these kids. Someone told me the other day that I needed to make older friends that way I felt younger, instead of hanging out with teenagers which makes me feel like a god damn dinosaur. I don't buy it. Hanging out with older people would mean doing older people things (Exactly what old people do I don't know). Hanging out with younger people seems to mean I do the exact same shit I did in 1999. Of course it all looks a bit different. Some genius decided paving Clinton Road would be a great idea. Takes a little of the edge off. Used to be this great scary ten mile long dirt road with nothing at all on either side, and now it's just a ten mile stretch of pavement. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly disappointed.

Of course I was in great company so that made me feel slightly better about the fact. Considering it was a pretty short pretty silly trip it was also a fantastic trip which runs my "consecutive great evenings" streak to five. Something that hasn't happened in quite awhile. That streak will probably end this evening, unless I can turn rewriting my talk, eating shit I shouldn't be eating, watching DVRed episodes of Heroes and Chuck, and walking several miles on the treadmill into a great evening. Of course if anyone can do that...it's me.

So here's to hoping.

Re-Re-Re-Writing The Talk

And finally...for the fourth time in as many weeks I'm rewriting my Antioch talk. It's not that I didn't think my previous attempts were any good, it's just that the longer I have between putting the pen down and actually giving the talk the more I begin to doubt whether or not it's going to have the affect on people I want it to. I finish writing a talk and I sit there thinking, "People will really connect to this." or "People will really find shit funny." And then a few days later I'm thinking "People are going to think this is so stupid." or "Why the hell would anyone care about this?" Doubt's a bitch. But at least it's my bitch. So I'm comfortable knowing that I could use anyone of my talks and they would be, at the very least, decent. But I don't want decent. I want grand. So fuck it. Here I go again. In my Saturday night chat this weekend I told someone at least two stories I've never told before. In a blog post this past weekend I told a few stories I probably never should tell again. And last night I'm pretty certain I told a few tales that I wouldn't have been comfortable telling before. So it's fairly certain I'll come up with something.

Anyway, I've got some work to do. Going to be here for quite awhile so might as well lock shit down and make some progress. Maybe even actually get some stuff done.