That felt really good to get out of my system. I mean, wow. I've been busted up trying to write my talk these past few days, trying to straighten out my part of the Wednesday prayer service. I've been conflicted about how good I'm feeling without any real reason and by the fact that no matter how much I seem to have a handle on things right now I know exactly how fragile it all really is.
I've been torn up about Antioch coming up so quick because just like every year I'm terrified we won't be able to keep the group together, and terrified that I'll decide to come back and have to watch as even more of my friends move on.
I've been beaten up like you wouldn't believe, tired and disappointed, and just all around fucked.
And I've still felt better than I have in damn near a decade.
I'm riding high not despite of, but because of, everything. I'm handling my shit and I feel great.
I'm ok.
And then something truly mind boggling happens. I find out that I'm much more convincing when I'm acting like I'm ok then I am when I'm actually ok. That's a bit of a bummer. I mean seriously. Damn.
But hey, it's good to know that there are people that care. Good to know that as many people as I try and look out for there are at least a few out there still looking out for me.
It's sort of comforting.
Means I've got a lot to be grateful for.
Which gives me one more reason to be ok.
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