So the bizarre and totally mindblowing reality of my current situation is that I've been in an amazing mood for the past what? Two weeks? Can that even be right? I think the last time I was in a real good mood for this long I hadn't even gone through puberty yet. Think about that...or don't.
I could pretty much tell you why too.
There are a few relationships with some people that I've finally been able to put into proper perspective. Not because I was ever confused about what my connection to those people really was, but because I was confused as to what I wanted it to be. Now I know. And it's all good.
For the first time in years I'm totally broke. It took me over a year of basically throwing money to the wind but as of last night I'm actually totally and absolutely broke. I can pay my mortgage, but that's about it. And it feels fucking great. For the first time in years I actually have to work. I mean I've been working all along obviously, working hard sometimes and harder others. And most days I really love what I do. But on the days I don't there just didn't seem to be a reason to do it. Now there is. I need the fucking money. Ha.
I've got good people around me. I've seen some friendships come full circle, some friendships bend to the point of breaking only to bounce back, and new friendships spring up in the most unexpected of places. I've defined ideas whose meaning previously eluded me. I've learned to cope with things I thought would haunt me forever.
I'm still fucked up.
But I'm better.
And I'm getting better everyday.
Someday I may actually be good.
Till then I'll just be me.
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